Adoption and ethics are very much a hot topic. If you've been involved in adoption for five minutes you already know that adoption is the root of all evil and that UNICEF hates you for even considering it. Okay, it's not that severe but it's a topic that tends to polarize people. As I see it, the world is full of "wicked problems". Recycling often requires more energy than it's worth, but saves our landfills. Arming the "bad guy" in order to defeat a common enemy creates people like Osama bin Laden, but it assists in ending the Cold War. Adopting an orphan from a developing nation gives a child hope, but it fuels child trafficking. What in the world are we to do?
We live in the era of "movements". Everything's a movement. They are mainstream and grassroots. They are secular and religious. They are Republican and Democrat. We are told we should start one, or at least buy in to the guy that thinks he has. Whenever I read about a new movement I think to myself, "How is this going to jack up the world?" Wicked problems. Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. In other words, for every movement we create, another movement will be created in an attempt to "fix" the problems started by the previous movement. And so on and so forth. This is the way it's been since time began and humans first decided to rape and pillage the world. In other words, when certain groups got all crazy about an "orphan movement", why would it surprise anyone that the next movement would be "Let's Fix the Errors those Crazy Orphan Loving Bastards Created"? The next movement that follows will be, "Help Me! I'm a Kid Dying in an Orphanage because Adoption Regulation Prevented Me from Finding a Family!"
Here's the truth: I don't love adoption. Nope. I've never been comfortable with it. There are about a million better, more productive ways to serve God and humanity. But here's the thing, some of us feel a strong calling to parent and love a child that has no one else. Orphanages are horrible places to live. Horrible. I hear the stories regularly. There are times I want to tell UNICEF to shove it. I don't like their pretentious self-righteousness. After all, I think I did a good job of following adoption ethics. My children could not be served in their country. That is indisputable. So why, pretentious global child-hating organization, are you picking on people like me? I've done a good job of helping my children retain their heritage, their culture, and their birth family. Then I remember something that happened when my parents visited Ethiopia.
My parents visited Clark's aunt and uncle in very rural Ethiopia. You should know, white people visiting a home in rural Ethiopia is a big deal. It's like a celebrity has knocked on your door. I felt really weirded out by it because I'm a sensitive white lady from America post-Civil Right movement....but I digress. When my parents were visiting, a neighbor woman asked my mom to adopt her child and take it back to America so it could have a good life. She had seen the pictures of the life Clark was living in the good 'ole USA. Here was smiling, healthy Clark riding around on his brand new bicycle. She wanted her child to have that too. My mom, because she's funny and all, felt uncomfortable and said, "Why don't you ask my daughter when she comes?" (That still makes me laugh when I think about it.)
Even when we go out of our way to find that "true" orphan that's sick and has the perfect orphan story, we still send a message: "We can provide better for your children because we're rich." What a slap in the face of the poor widow. Is there anything more demeaning? Why don't you just point at her ragged clothing and laugh on your way out of her village in your fancy-schmancy van?
My point: We're responsible for this. You and I. Even if we dotted our Is and crossed our Ts in the grand game of "I'm more ethical than you", we ALL contributed to someone feeling unworthy...and that's at a minimum. We should all be seeking to do something about this. That's my goal for the year. Hmmmmmm...........maybe I'll start a movement or something.
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